Barnaby: Turnbull Is “No.1 Spear-chucker”

29 Apr

Barnaby comments on today’s Big Event, and eloquently seizes the opportunity to take the piss out of the incontinent Republican movement.  Earning special mention is the No. 1 man for that other malodorous and leaky symbolism movement, the one for “putting a price on carbon” – Goldman Sachs’ sock puppet, Malcolm Turnbull.

From the Canberra Times:

Well, I will be watching it, ably encouraged by the fact that I live in a house of five females, young ladies of varying degrees of youngness to whom the royal wedding is akin to oxygen or the meaning of life. Even if I crossed the floor, the vote to watch the wedding would merely change from a 6-nil annihilation to ayes 5, nays 1.

Before I am admonished by the deafening snorts of republicans, might I kindly remind you that your No 2 spear-chucker, Julia Gillard (Malcolm Turnbull is No 1) is fluffing around the Buckingham Palace-Westminster precinct as we speak.

Do not tell me it is just protocol that she attends. I well remember being run over by socially acceptable republicans as they made a beeline for HM QEII on her last lunch at the Australian parliament.


Wait for it ….. waaiit for it …. standing by for the ever so boring shrieks of “racist” from all of the usual self-righteous, humourless suspects



And what are Barnaby’s unique observations on the life of a British royal?

To live one’s life as a human species of goldfish in the glass bowl of 24/7 news; that would truly be a never-relenting hell. Think about it. Would you really want the job?

What better way to remove the problems of finding some poor suffering soul to do the job than make it hereditary?

Bad luck you were born to be photographed and commented on for the rest of your days and the salacious interest in you will plaster glossy mags at the checkout of every supermarket across the globe. You stop to have a leak and look up at the stars – next day, page one.

On top of this, you were born to be the role model for the nuclear family happy, polite, patriotic – and of course, you must breed. The fruit of your loins will be a global obsession.

So I think the royal family are great. When my daughters taunt me with suggestions of body piercing, tattoos and other forms of visual and oral profanity, I just say, ”I wonder if Kate will go to her big day in pure white or with a cream off-the-shoulder number?”

As making it past seven years married becomes a celebration in the modern world, the fact that two well-meaning individuals in a far-away island would do this form of very public high dive is admirable. Good luck to them…

One Response to “Barnaby: Turnbull Is “No.1 Spear-chucker””

  1. spangled drongo May 2, 2011 at 3:07 pm #

    Good stuff Barnaby!

    It’d be hell on wheels to be a royal and we just don’t realise what they contribute to help us all keep poking along day-by-day in homogeneous civility.

    The royal motar that sticks us motley rubble together….

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