On Wednesday, the day after the railroading of the carbon derivatives scam legislation through the Senate, Greens leader Bob Brown copped a right bollocking.
Why? Because, dear reader, he had requested a suspension of standing orders to bring a notice of motion concerning Parliamentary Behaviour.
Poor widdle Bobby Wobby* was not a happy chappy.
Let’s see why (from Hansard, emphasis added):
Senator BOB BROWN (Tasmania—Leader of the Australian Greens) (16:01): I ask that general business notice of motion No. 549, which relates to conduct following the final vote on the clean energy bills, be taken as a formal motion.
The DEPUTY PRESIDENT: Is there any objection to this motion being taken as formal?
An opposition senator: Yes, there is.
…
Let’s skip the subsequent formalities, and jump forward to the heart of the matter. Here’s Senator Bobby Wobby again:
Yesterday, when the final vote was taken on the legislation, you will know, Mr Deputy President, that the press gallery had more than 40 members— something I have not seen since the passage of the goods and services tax more than a decade ago. It was a major and historic moment for the Greens, and there were quite a number of cameras in the press gallery. Senator Heffernan got from his chair and walked down and stood in front of the contingent of Greens to obscure the cameras making a record of that event as we shook hands and generally were happy that the passage of that legislation had taken place. I am not particularly miffed about whether or not we get coverage obscured, but it was a churlish and childish thing for Senator Heffernan to do. He frequently invades other people’s press conferences, other people’s moments, book launches and so on. It was rude, if not to the Greens, to the photographers in the gallery, to the cameras here and to the watching and listening public, because it obscured their right to see the events taking place in this chamber…
Hmmmm… obscured the cameras, eh?
Greens Senators congratulate each other after the Government's Clean Energy (carbon tax) Bills were passed through the Senate today. Picture: Ray Strange
Greens leader Bob Brown hugs his deputy Christine Milne after the tax passed through Senate today. Photo: Andrew Meares
For your light entertainment today, we bring you a selection of highlights from the subsequent mauling that Senator Brown received, starting with Senator Abetz:
Senator ABETZ (Tasmania—Leader of the Opposition in the Senate) (16:08): The man who has led demonstrations with big banners to block people out of sight and the man who has led demonstrations making a lot of noise to drown out other voices is the man who, in Pecksniffian manner, comes into this place complaining that somebody stood in the way of a camera. I know that this senator allegedly had an interest in the art of photography but I never knew that his interest in the art of photography only related to photographs of himself. What a vain, petulant speech we have just heard. We were told that this was a matter of national significance. Was the government’s view blocked? No. Was the view of the President, the most important person in this chamber, blocked? No. Even that of a humble leader of the opposition? No. And that of the National Party? No. Senator Xenophon’s? No. Senator Madigan’s? No. So what was this important group in the Senate that was being blocked? Not the government, not the opposition, not some Independents—oh, it was the Greens! I would suggest to Senator Brown that he be very careful with that glass of water in front of him, because if he stares in it when the light is shining in it he might see a narcissistic type reflection—and this is what this is all about. This is a window into the vanity of the Leader of the Australian Greens. This is a window into the petulance of the Australian Greens…
… I always thought Senator Heffernan was as skinny as a beanstalk. Now you are trying to say that he is bigger than a Mack truck. How on earth could a senator standing there block out the crossbenchers and the Greens all at the same time? It is a physical impossibility. Senator Brown was not concerned about the crossbenchers; he was concerned about himself, as is always the case…
… Is the senator actually trying to tell us and the Australian people that this is a matter of such great import that it needs the suspension of standing orders in this place as we need to discuss the fact that Senator Brown could not get his photograph taken because somebody who is about as slim as anybody else in this chamber, Senator Heffernan, happened to walk over to the Australian Greens to discuss the vote? This is petulance writ large and this is vanity writ large. But do you know what it also is writ large? The Australian Greens and, in particular, Leader of the Australian Greens, Senator Brown. I have been around this joint for about 17 years and I have never seen or heard such a vain or petulant motion being put forward by any backbench senator, let alone somebody who claims to be the leader of an Australian political party. Mr Deputy President, I suggest that we dispense with this nonsense of Senator Brown’s and get on with the important business of the Senate.
Indeed.
However, it was Liberal Senator Cory Bernardi who really stood tall.
Linguistically. Logically. And literally:
Senator BERNARDI (South Australia) (16:18): It is an extraordinary thing when the worst fears of the Australian people are confirmed by the vainglorious and narcissistic motion that we have before us. It is offensive to the Australian people that this parliament seems to have nothing better to do than debate the pious and sanctimonious words put forward by Senator Bob Brown and Senator Milne because they missed a photo opportunity. In the last 31⁄2 or four minutes, we have heard all about upholding the standing orders, from the party of hypocrisy—the party that will not acknowledge the magnificence of the chair in this chamber when they enter and leave, the party that will not acknowledge people’s formal titles in Senate inquiries and hearings, the party that will not acknowledge standing orders. For the benefit of this chamber, let me put this to you:
A resolution of the Senate allows the media to photograph any senator in the chamber provided that they have the call.
Might I remind Senator Bob Brown that yesterday he did not have the call. He stood up and was champing at the bit, trying to grandstand by cuddling with his cabal over there, who have sent this country down a path from which there will be no return while they remain in power. But let me remind them that it is in breach of standing orders.
Senator Bob Brown has come up with this confected outrage and some contrived complaint against Senator Heffernan, who because of his generosity and magnanimous heart was simply going across there to acknowledge that we had been defeated in a challenge. But, in the rudeness, the shrillness and the smugness of the Greens party, they refused to acknowledge Senator Heffernan. I saw him. I watched him. He turned around and looked at the chamber; he looked to the chair and he acknowledged the chair humbly. I can only imagine what he said to himself: ‘Why won’t they talk to me? I’m just trying to be generous.’
One sniffs the scent of BS wafting in with that last bit. Still, what is it they say about arguing with idiots … they drag your down to their level, then beat you with experience?
But what has happened as a result? We have this hypocritical, vainglorious and narcissistic motion come into the chamber. It is only right that the Australian people would be questioning why this is happening. If there has been regrettable activity in this chamber, might I say much of it rests with the Greens party.
If you want to know about bad behaviour in and out of this place, we need look no further than Senator Bob Brown himself. This is the man who feigned bankruptcy or impending bankruptcy to collect money from the public for legal bills, around $300,000—
Senator Bob Brown: Mr Deputy President, I raise a point of order. I take objection to ‘feigned bankruptcy’. It is untrue and unparliamentary, and I ask that it be withdrawn.
Senator Abetz: Mr Deputy President, on the point of order: Senator Bob Brown might reflect that, when it was put to him that he was not actually going to go bankrupt, he amended the Greens website using words to the effect that he might not necessarily have technically gone bankrupt. So he did amend his language after those matters were drawn to his attention.
The DEPUTY PRESIDENT: Senator Bernardi, it would assist if you withdrew that last remark.
Senator BERNARDI: I will withdraw that Senator Bob Brown was feigning bankruptcy, but he did—
The DEPUTY PRESIDENT: Unconditionally, Senator Bernardi.
Senator BERNARDI: I withdraw unconditionally. But it did not stop Senator Brown, being the ecomillionaire, from collecting nearly $1 million in order to pay about $300,000 worth of legal bills. Anyone with any integrity who was not so consumed with hubris and ego would have said, ‘No, I’ve got my charity from the public; they can keep their money for themselves.’ This is a shameful stunt by a man who thinks the rules should apply differently to him than to anybody else.
This is a man who condemns political donations to any political party yet whose own party takes $1.6 million donations. I ask myself, and I am sure the Australian people will ask themselves, ‘Why was it that a line of questioning in this chamber by the Greens was directly related to the business interests of the person who made that donation?’ It is a proper and right question for this chamber to consider. It is a proper and right question for the Australian people to consider, Senator Brown. Might I also say that the question you are putting to the Australian people today in this chamber is simply inappropriate and improper. There is a dignity that should be maintained in this place. We should not sink to the lowest common denominator and debase it to the level that Senator Brown and the Greens wish to take it to. If we are maintaining the standing orders, if we are serious about maintaining the traditions and the other things that make the Senate such a special place in which to work, we cannot debase it by putting motions like this, by not acknowledging the chair and by showing flagrant contempt for standing orders whenever it suits. That is exactly what this does. We should not be surprised by it, because we have experienced it again and again from the Greens party.
Senator Brown and the Greens cannot handle any scrutiny—they have a glass jaw. That is why, when their policy position is examined, when there is any critical questioning of their own conduct and behaviour, their response is: ‘This is the hate media; this is persecution. The Greens are different. We’re separate. We’re isolated from the world.’
Senator Abetz: They are different.
Senator BERNARDI: Indeed they are different, they are separate and they are isolated from the world. Unfortunately, they have their hands on the tiller of government, and that is a shame for this country. (Time expired)
And after some more speeches from both sides…
The DEPUTY PRESIDENT: The question is that the motion moved by Senator Bob Brown to suspend standing orders be agreed to.
Question negatived.
And thusly, dear reader, the Australian Senate, 76 politician strong (plus Senate staff, assorted lackeys et al) .. financed by the Aussie taxpayer .. piss farted about for a full 30 minutes from 16:01 to 16:31 on Wednesday the nineth day of November in the year of our Lord 2011.
All thanks to Bob Brown’s self-righteous narcissism.
And his oh so genteel, just-don’t-scratch-the-surface, glass-jawed vindictiveness.
(Remind you of anyone?)
Just the sort of personality type we want running the country.
* An apropos moniker for the petulant Bob Brown, I suggest. The Wobbegong is a camouflaged, bottom-dwelling shark, whose feeding habits classify it an ambush predator.
Bobby Wobby.
You heard it here first.
Barnaby Is Right 
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